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ARLINGTON, MA—Fondly watching him as he joined a group of other men his age huddled around a classic car, members of the Altman family were reportedly excited Wednesday to see their dad making friends in their new neighborhood.SAN DIEGO—Insisting you’ll never be truly happy until you found the superior partner you’re more than entitled to, a little voice in the back of your mind reported Tuesday that you deserve much better than the person you’re dating.HUDSON, NY—Saying he felt compelled to personally respond to the actions of a president he views as vicious and corrupt, local dipshit Scott Rudnick announced Thursday his intention to fight the Trump administration through his art.WASHINGTON—Deeply moved by her boldness under such circumstances, citizens from around the country were reportedly inspired Thursday by the bravery of a teenager who walked into a local Mc Donald’s wearing only a bikini.He is best known as the lead vocalist of the American Multi-Platinum rock band Incubus.

EDISON, NJ—Citing creative differences that had been festering for at least a decade, Chuck E. Munch confirmed Wednesday that he had left the band to form a new prog-rock outfit, The Mr. BRISTOL, CT—Saying that their combative, antagonistic relationship remains as strong as ever, ESPN commentator Stephen A.

ROCHESTER, MI—Hip-hop artist Marshall Mathers, a.k.a. Eminem, said he was left wholly terrified today after meeting his daughter Hailie’s new boyfriend Justin Denham, an 18-year-old who was reportedly raised on the rapper’s music.

Saying he could barely fathom the thought of Hailie, 17, with a man who ever enjoyed listening to, or was inspired by, his often misogynistic and violent lyrics, Eminem, 40, claimed he was disturbed from the second Denham said he was “a huge fan” of all of the rapper’s seven albums.

It was Brolin's third marriage as he was previously married to Deborah Adair and to Diane Lane.

Tony Award-winner Idina Menzel, who on Friday, Sept.

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  1. The notification alert will read: "Windows Defender is checking for updates" and "New definitions or updates will be automatically installed." Wait for the process to finish. Look at the bottom of the Windows Defender dialog box in the "Status" section for the text, "Definition Version." To the right of that look for "created on." If the day, date, and time are fairly recently--in the past few days or within the past week--you have installed the most recent definition updates.